Anabelle asked me last night, "Mom, how did you catch cancer? Are you going to get it again?" I told her I didn't know how I got cancer but that I was all better now and it wasn't contagious so she didn't have to worry about 'catching' it. I asked her if she was ok, and she said she was worried I had cancer again because she saw some of my hair had fallen out on my towel after my shower. I wanted to cry, but I just hugged her as hard as I could without smothering her. Why is it that my 5 year old has to worry her mom's hair is going to fall out again because of cancer? It just doesn't seem fair.
Being at the cancer center today was an emotional experience. I never want to come back. I never want to do this again. I never want to put my family through this again. I never ever...but really how can I make sure this doesn't happen again? I feel so much anger at life for throwing us such a curve ball, because now I feel like it can happen again...out of nowhere...when we're happy with our little life (just like we were a year ago) and BAM. It hits us right in the face.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have nothing to complain about, and so much to be thankful for.
We all have so much to be thankful for. Every day we get to be with our kids, family and friends...every day we can chose to be happy and chose to be grateful for everything we are given. Life is hard, but no one ever said it was easy...
