All done. Oshimai. Sayonara.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012 was my last chemo infusion. My Oncologist said we looked giddy, which was probably an understatement. I was so beyond excited to get to this day and be done. Nights before this day, I started thinking about what it means to be a survivor of cancer. Thinking about what if it comes back or what if I develop a new cancer somewhere else.

For the last 6 months I have been sunk deep in trenches of fighting this cancer; not thinking about much else but getting through chemo, then surgery, then radiation, etc. I'm slightly afraid to face 'regular' life after all this is done and I am back to 'normal'. I feel a little like I'm standing alone on a big stage with hundreds of people expecting something from me. But I have nothing to offer - no words of wisdom or direction on my own life.

What do I do once I'm all done with this fight? Where do I go? I'm starting to ask myself these questions a lot now and get no clear answer.

I still have multiple surgeries and radiation ahead but I feel like I can let out a big sigh of relief with the end of my 6-month marriage to chemo. Last round of chemo's side effects are all the same: nausea, nausea, fatigue and digestive issues. I've been sleeping for the last two day and nights to ignore my symptoms as much as I can, but I should probably wake up and eat a little something and drink a little more water.

Thank you all for your texts messages, cards, emails and flowers celebrating my last day of chemo. I feel like a lucky girl to have so many behind me along this journey.