Control

I wanted to shave my hair, so last night we came back to my sister's house.   I wanted my girls to be there, to see their dad shaving their mom's hair, and I wanted my sister to be there too. I also asked Mark (my sister's husband) to document the event; he's an awesome photographer and why not get some amazing photos of this ceremonious event.

I find it liberating to have so little hair and sort of like it. As bad as this sounds, I feel like I can get away with more. (now I just have to figure out what I want to get away with;)) I actually think I like my shaved hair better than my pixie. I feel like I have nothing left to hide behind and the vulnerability is refreshing...as is the breeze on my head. I imagine actually losing what little hair I have left will be traumatic, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Thanks to chemo, I am yet another lucky cancer patient who gets to lose hair. The nurses tell me that it happens 2-3 weeks after I start chemo. It will be 1 week tomorrow. I wanted control over how I lose my hair and wanted to lose as much of it on my own terms and didn't want to wait to see clumps of hair falling out in the shower or on my pillow. I want to keep as much control over my body and my life as I can before the fight in my body between cancer and chemo drugs begin to take its toll.  Cancer takes over your life so for a control-freak like me, losing any control makes me crazy.

It was clear that Anabelle and Sofia (and Koby, their cousin) did not like their mom's new hair-do at first. Anabelle asked Sofia if she was scared and told me that she wasn't the biggest fan of my shaved hair. But as resilient as the kids have been with our move, they adjusted quickly to my new look. At lunch today, Anabelle told me, "Mom, I think you look pretty with your new hair," as she and Sofia rubbed my head with delight and laughter.

- - - - - - - -

the last moments of my pixie:

yumi prepping my hair

Sofia and me with our unicorn horns:

...and here we go...

i'm having fun

...ewwwww

this is just funny

maybe i should have stopped here...with a bird's nest on my head

...and (drum roll, please) we're done. 

my rock, the love of my life and my partner in crime.